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santa [Jul. 24th, 2006|11:01 pm]
so i was asked once, "do you believe in Santa?"

i responded, "Pehaps"

"But the one thing i cannot get over is why he would eat do poorly knowing full well that he is jeapordizing his health, therefore his life, therefore his job. not to mention the plethora of helpless imaginations pledging allegiance to His Bag and His Mighty Flight of Altruism. All those little dreams waiting with baited breath for him to bestow future garage sale wares upon them and make them real. And what of Mrs Claus? is she to be granted endowment for never being able to meet a man that would possibly live with her in that climate and remain so damn jolly?
"Well, perhaps caloric intake and cholesterol don't matter to a man who can cram 375 pounds of warm milk and cookies (nevermind the handful of pot brownies left by Tim Leary's tree over the years) down every single chimney of household upholding a belief in him. And all in roughly 3-5 hours depending on flight conditions and elvin production and efficiency (first or second shift). either way, he shouldn't be so thoughtless. I would hate to see the reindeer have to wile away going from foster home to foster home until finally snapping and inviting rudolph to a game of russian roulette."
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God checks email, too [Jun. 12th, 2006|07:50 pm]
So the other day, my roomate and i were at target purchasing various effects for the home. As we were leaving the store, he attempts to hand me money towards the products purchased. As my arms were full, i was unable to accept the donation.
"I put a request in God's inbox for an evolution of a third arm," i said, "but until He replies, i will have to wait until we reach the car and have emptied one of the two of my existing arms."
Last night, i was at the bar with a girlfriend having a nightcap. My staring off into space was interrupted by her saying, "that's so sad!!"
"What is?" i asked.
I looked up to the television she pointed at to see a news report concerning a child born in China with three--count them--three functioning arms. I knew then that God had replied to my email request and was preparing for the next evolution of mankind.
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all the king's men [Jun. 7th, 2006|09:34 pm]
"For life is Motion toward Knowledge. If God is Complete Knowledge then He is Complete Non-Motion, which is Non-Life, which is Death. Therefore, if there is such a God of Fullness of Being, we would worship Death, the Father....For Life is a fire burning along a piece of string--or is it a fuse to a powder keg which we call God?--and the string is what we don't know, our Ignorance, and the trail of ash, which, if a gust of wind does not come, keeps the structure of the string, is History, man's Knowledge, but it is dead, and when the fire has burned up all the string, then man's Knowledge will be equal to God's Knowledge and there won't be any fire, which is Life. Or if the string leads to a powder keg, then there will be a terrific blast of fire, and even the trail of ash will be blown completely away.....I'll draw another picture. It is a picture of a man trying to paint picture of a sunset. But before he can dip his brush the color always changes and the shape. Let us give a name to the picture which he is trying to paint: Knowledge. Therefore if the object which a man looks at changes constantly so that Knowledge of it is constantly untrue and is therefore Non-Knowledge, then Eternal Motion is possible. And Eternal Life. Therefore we can believe in Eternal Life only if we deny God, Who is Complete Knowledge."
-- Robert Penn Warren
All the King's Men
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2006|07:34 pm]
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would anyone like to talk about the 800 pound elephant in the living room? [Jun. 1st, 2006|11:34 pm]
hi. um, i am nervous about being so open with the electrocommunicative community now that i am no longer imprisoned in my uncle's crawlspace, so please try to refrain from mentioning the poor grammar and misspellings that may occur. i have no idea where my beer is. hold on. found it. cigarette butt and all.
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